And Still
by PandorasHollow
Summary: SN...loss and regrets. NEW chapter added
1. Sara

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own **CSI** or any of the characters mentioned in this story, nor do I own the song **And Still** (sung by Reba Mcentire)_

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Over a million of people live in this city and I had to run into _him_. When I saw him there on that busy street, painful memories and my biggest regrets resurfaced from the darkest depths of my consciousness where I had buried them, praying that I'd never think about them again. But it all came back as I stood there, admiring him in his dark blue jeans and a black tee shirt.

I still could remember the day my heart broke for the final time, never to be whole again. It was the day _he_ told me that he was getting married.

I remember the room spinning and my heart constricting, and I remember thinking that it was all my fault.

Long before that day_, he_ had offered me an new life, a new chance at love but I had turned _him_ down, instead I had taken another offer, one I had been waiting years for. I had taken the chance to be with Grissom, to finally be with the man, who I believed to be the love of my life. I had never thought that I could be wrong. I had never thought that all the time I had actually been in love with _him_. I had never thought it was possible to be in love with my best friend until the day I lost _him_. Until the day _**I** _was too late.

While I had been busy with the rollercoaster ride that was my relationship with Grissom, I had missed _him_ recover from my rejection, move on and fall in love with someone else.

I still could see _him_ standing in the break room announcing that he was getting married. I still could remember the smile on his face as he watched his bride walk down the aisle. I still could feel the bitter tears that fell down my face that same day, while I had lain in my bed. Alone.

Shaking myself out of that particular memory, I decided to move before he caught me watching him. I contemplated hiding in one of the shops or turning around and walking back the path I've come from, but then _he_ turned his head in my direction and his eyes instantly locked with mine. The world seemed to stand still for a moment and I held my breath. A smile spread across his face when he recognized me. His smile so beautiful, it almost made me cry.

"Sara? I can't believe it's you." I noted the genuine surprise in his voice as he stopped in front of me, his smile only getting brighter, mesmerizing me in that way only _his_ smile could.

"Hey, Nick." I managed to say and tried to smile genuinely, but I couldn't do it. It hurt too much to see him. It hurt too much to remember. Instead I plastered my best fake smile on my lips. It was something I've perfected over the course of years.

"How have you been?" He asked, his eyes roaming over me, setting my whole body on fire. He still had that effect on me, even after all these years.

"Oh, I can't complain. I'm doing fine." A (little) lie had never hurt anyone, right?

"What are you doing here? In my city?" Nick asked, somewhat awkward and I told him about the conference for forensics and about the presentation. I didn't tell him that I've feared of meeting him again, knowing that he was the head of the days shift at the San Diego crime lab or that I had made calls to the SD lab to ask if he'd attend the conference, which he didn't. I didn't tell him how much I hated Las Vegas after he had left. I didn't tell him how empty my life was without him, how much I hated myself for rejecting him.

Instead we carried on with our small talk. We laughed about old times and all we went through, shared stories about old friends and old lives.  
Unexpectedly he stepped forward and hugged me, whispering _I've missed you_ in my ear. Tears sprung to my eyes as my arms held him to me. "I've missed you too." I replied but he will never know how much I really missed him.  
His arms loosened around me and he took a step back, looking down at me. The look in his eyes enflamed old, warm feelings and I quickly averted my eyes. For a moment neither said anything and just as I was about to say something lame, like '_lovely weather'_, I saw _her_ walk up to him.

_She_ was still so beautiful like I remembered her. Dark blond hair framing her slightly round face. I immediately noticed _her_ left hand that was adorned with a gold wedding band, safely on top of her pregnant belly. Every bit of air fled my body and I thought that a punch into the gut couldn't possibly feel worse. I saw _her_ smaller hand grab _his_ and I chanced a look at Nick. Was it guilt that flickered over his handsome features?

"Sara, do you remember my wife?" Oh, and how I could remember. It was a fact I was doomed to never forget. Susan Adams Stokes.

I gave my best smile as I shook her hand but I was dying inside. They were expecting a baby. A feeling of nausea wafted over me and I wanted either to go to my hotel room and sob or go to the next bar and get extremely drunk. Instead, I offered my congratulations and Nick beamed at me, telling me it's going to be a girl.

"I'm happy for you." I honestly said. I've always known that he wanted a family and it seemed that his wish was coming true.

"Honey," _she_ said. "we've gotta go now, it's getting late." He nodded at her and then looked at me again.

"It was good to see you." Nick said and I smiled, yet again plastering a fake smile upon my face.

"You too. Bye." I said before I watched _them_ walk away, hand in hand. He hadn't offered to stay in contact and I hadn't made promises to call. He, just like me knew that those promises would never be fulfilled. It was our last goodbye, maybe even closure, a sign to move on.

Still, the world stood still. I couldn't move and all I could feel was this aching in my heart, saying I loved _him_ still.

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TBC**


	2. Nick

_**AN:** This story was supposed to be a 'one-parter' but everytime I listened to the song I'd get ideas for another chapter so I finally gave in and wrote it. It's from Nick's POV. I also changed/added things in the first chapter, so hopefully it better now._

_Read, enjoy and please review._

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When I left home that afternoon, I never thought that I would be confronted with my past, with the _one_ that got away. I was standing outside a store for camping equipment when I got the feeling of someone watching me. Being a CSI has made me cautious, so I quickly glanced to my side and felt my heart skip a beat. There _she_ stood her eyes boring into me, holding me in place.

While my mind was still deciding on my next move, my feet were already carrying me towards _her_. Her hair was shorter than the last time I saw her but she looked just as beautiful as on that rainy Las Vegas morning I last saw her.

"Sara. I can't believe it's you." I said, her name tasting bittersweet on my lips.

"Hey, Nick." She said, a smile slowly appearing on her rosy lips.

"How have you been?" I heard myself say but not really listening to the words my mouth was forming. My eyes looked her up and down, she was so beautiful.

"Oh, I can't complain. I'm doing fine."

"What are you doing here? In my city?" I asked, feeling slightly awkward and then I listened to her explain about the conference (I had made a new member on my team go) and that she had been forced into presenting. The topics changed to the lab and my old colleagues, old times. For a minute it felt like one of those days when we'd sit in a booth at Frank's and talk about everything and nothing, laugh and complain about the bad food. A tradition.

My arms seemed to act on their own as they pulled her into a hug and the words _'I've missed you'_ left my mouth before my brain could stop them. _She_ was my weakness even after all these years.

"I've missed you too." She whispered back, her breath grazing the side of my neck. For a moment I was sure to hear sadness and something that strangely sounded like longing in _her_ voice. But I willed my mind not to go down that path, it was too dangerous so I pulled away from her. However, my body didn't listen to my mind yet again and my eyes locked with hers, if only for a moment, such a brief moment but God help me, I wanted to get lost in _her_ brown depths. Thankfully, Sara averted her eyes and I took a step back, willing my wild beating heart to slow down. The next moment I felt a hand on my arm and I turned my head sideways, finding emerald green eyes looking at me. Susan. A pang of guilt settled over me, I was supposed to wait for her in front of the shop but had forgotten everything once Sara had crossed my path.

"Sara do you remember my wife?" I managed to ask and felt Susan's smaller hand slide into mine.

"Of course." She said, greeting Susan with a handshake and a smile. "I see congratulations are in order." Sara said, the smile still in place but I couldn't remember ever seeing her brown eyes so sad.

"Yeah, thanks. It's going to be a girl." I happily told her. The birth of my daughter was something I was looking forward to. I couldn't wait to hold the little person, I already loved with my whole being.

"I'm happy for you." Sara said in almost a whisper and I knew that she meant it.

"Thank you."

"Honey," Susan next to me said. "we've gotta go now, it's getting late." I gave her a slight nod and glanced back at Sara.

"It was good to see you."

"You too. Bye." She replied and I took one last look at _her_, knowing that it was probably the last time I'd see her. It hurt to turn around and walk away form her. Again.

I believe that we're a sum of our decisions. _She_ had made hers (_she had pushed me away_), and I had made mine (_I had moved on_). I have everything many men wish for. A great job, a loving wife and a baby on the way. It was everything I have ever wanted.

Still, seeing _her_ again had brought back memories I thought long forgotten and feelings that should have faded away with time. Even with Susan's hand in mine on the path to a beautiful future, all I could feel was this aching in my heart, saying I loved _her_ still.

**The End** (now for real)


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